I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
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