Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
