I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
