ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
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