the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
