He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
we should paint friendship bongs
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
