Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
