I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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