i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
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