Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
