its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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