one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
