You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
