Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I have grass duct taped all over my body
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
