Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize