I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
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