So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
