can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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