Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
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