i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
