The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Randomize
