have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Randomize
