I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
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