naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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