Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
