I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Randomize
