that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
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