i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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