I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
so much tequila, so little girl.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
