shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
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