Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
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