Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
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