Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
Randomize
