Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
