Can i not drive my cunt home
I'm passing your future prison.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
