I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize