I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
