White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
