she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
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