is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Can you bring me the toilet please
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
