Midget sex pt 2 tonight
i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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