Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
Randomize
