grandma shit on top of the toilet
Four minutes until I can fart!
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize