just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize