Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
