What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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