do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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