Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
Randomize