Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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