he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
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