i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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