I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
