Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
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