don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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