week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Randomize
