If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
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