I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
Randomize
