So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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