TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
it's like iHOP with fire
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
