I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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