I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
