I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
