While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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