are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize